Darkening Shadows
by DaiChansLady
Summary: He was a shade, no longer himself. The awful truth is about to come out. 1st chapter redone
1. Chapter 1

Darkening Shadows 

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, but the idea is mine. I gain no money, but hopefully reviews.

Remus POV

It was at the beginning of the fourth year when it happened. He came back thinner, a pale ghost. His hair longer and no longer styled. He was gaunt, but we didn't see it. Didn't hear his silence, his quiet misery. We were too busy basking in each other's presence again. Too happy to be back at Hogwarts.

It wasn't until the end of the second week that we realised everything had changed and we hadn't even noticed. Hadn't understood that is wasn't Sirius who came back to us, but a shade.

Grabbing his potions books, Snape stuffed them back into his bag. Glancing at his cauldron he saw that it was nearly completed. Pleased, he turned to collect his beaker and watched in horror as a hand appeared and smacked into the bubbling cauldron, spilling its contents all over the table. Whirling around he was unsurprised to see Sirius Black before him.

"You bastard." He hissed. "You've done it now. The Professor is sure to call you in to see your head of house." Anger chased itself across his face. "You can't leave it alone can you? Think you're oh so much better than anyone else, so superior…" He ranted, petering off as he took his first good look at Sirius.

Instead of the gleeful face he was expecting, his hated rival seemed not to have even noticed what he had done.

Shocked Snape took an involuntary step towards him. "Black, what the hell is wrong with you?" He asked in irritated confusion.

Clouded violet eyes slowly turned to focus on him, and Snape gasped as the figure before him. Pale skin, tightly drawn over flushed cheeks. Hair in disarray, hanging limply down the boys back. An unsteady hand grasped the table in a white knuckle grip as if fighting to remain standing.

"Come on Siri." Shouted a voice from the back of the classroom. "Leave Snivellus to clean up." Laughing at his joke, James grabbed Remus' arm and dragged him towards their raven-haired friend.

Sirius however seemed to ignore him, as if he was in a world of his own. Sirius could feel icy tendrils trying to pull him down. His back ached, and his arms, heck even his bones seemed to protest. He felt so dirty, but no matter how many times he tried to forget, or how many showers he took, he couldn't get clean or warm.

I just want to go away, he thought, away from here. I don't want to think or remember or relive. With a low moan, Sirius finally surrendered to this wish, and gave up fighting the inky darkness that was trying to wrap him up in its comforting arms.

He felt his body slowly descend to the cold stone floor, and felt unconsciousness rush up to greet him.

"Padfoot!" Cried Remus, as he leapt forward to catch his friend, lowering the unconscious boy to the floor.

"Get Madam Pomfrey." He shouted. "Quickly."

Taking only a moment to watch as James fled the room, he turned his attention back to the figure in his arms. Gently, he brushed Sirius' bangs out of his closed eyes and pulled him in closer. What was wrong with him? Feeling the gaunt frame cradled in his arms, Remus wondered not for the first time what had been eating at his friend. Come on Siri, he though, wake up, open your eyes, even it is to mock me.

He had only just begun to notice that Padfoot wasn't acting like himself. Two weeks, he thought in despair, I didn't notice my friend was fading away, what kind of friend was he?

Time past, and to Remus it seemed like an age. Where was Madam Pomfrey? Why wasn't she here yet? Looking down at Sirius, he watched as his eyelashes started to flicker and his breathing began to hitch.

Moaning, Sirius eyes fluttered open. Remus' worried face looked down at him.

"Oh thank you." Breathed Remus as he saw his friend awake, crushing his friend in a hug. "God, you scared me Padfoot," he chastised, "how are you feeling?"

Struggling in Moony's grasp, Sirius tried to curl in on himself. "I'm sorry, it's my fault, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He chanted quietly, trying to suppress his sobs.

"Sirius?" Whispered Remus. "What's wrong?"

"I'm bad, I'm sorry, so sorry. It's my fault, my fault." He whimpered. "So dirty, I feel so dirty. Can't get clean. Can't get him off me."

TBA - really short chapter, but I had to get it done and out there so I could write the next.


	2. Chapter 2

Struggling in Moony's grasp, Sirius tried to curl in on himself. "I'm sorry, it's my fault, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He chanted quietly, trying to suppress his sobs.

"Sirius?" Whispered Remus. "What's wrong?"

"I'm bad, I'm sorry, so sorry. It's my fault, my fault." He whimpered. "So dirty, I feel so dirty. Can't get clean. Can't get him off me."

"Sirius, what's the matter?" Asked Remus again. Tugging at the sobbing boys robe, Remus tried to get Sirius to look at him, frustrated that Padfoot wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Whatever's the matter, it isn't your fault, ok?" Remus tried to reassure him, "You can tell me and we can fixed it."

Frantically shaking his head, Sirius curled up even more. "I can't, I… I…" he sobbed, "I can't tell y…you. You'll hate m…me an, an, and you'll go away."

Seeing his friend become more and more distressed, Remus felt tears well up in his eyes. "Oh Padfoot, I could never hate you." He whispered, placing a gentle kiss on the top of Sirius' head. "Nothing and I mean nothing could ever make me hate you."

Feeling the sobs slowly abate, he watched as Sirius fell into a fretful sleep.

"Mr Moony," came a vice from behind him, "if you could be so kind as to bring him to the hospital wing?" Said Madam Pomfrey, concern etched in her eyes. "We shall see what is wrong with Mr Black."

Standing up, Remus lifted Sirius in his arms, startled to find him so light. Worried he looked at Madam Pomfrey and James who had appeared next to her.

"Come now." She said, leading to two boys out of the classroom. "We'll get him sorted out, and he'll be back to causing all sort of mischief with you to."

Sitting on the chairs outside the hospital wing, Remus watched James pace up and down.

"I didn't even notice anything was wrong." Muttered James finally, as he flung himself down beside Peter. "What kind of friend am I?"

"Don't beat yourself up." Said Remus, "we didn't notice anything either."

"Yeah, but now that I think back, I knew something was wrong and I did nothing about it." Cried James. "I just left it alone, I didn't think to try and take to Padfoot, and look what happened."

"Do you think he'll be alright?" Asked Peter in a small voice.

Looking at the timid boy, Remus tried to offer a reassuring smile. "Sure he will, he's Sirius after all. Concussion doesn't even stop him." He laughed, remember the time Sirius had gone one on one with a bludger. Padfoot's head was really hard and he'd certainly proved that when it had hit him. Madam Pomfrey was only able to keep him in the hospital wing just long enough to bandage his head.

"Yeah," said Peter, a small smile making its way onto his face, "he's always ok isn't he?"

Nodding, Remus looked at the closed door. I'm not so sure this will be the case, he worried, I've never seen him like that before.

Coming out of his musings, Remus jumped when the door he had been focusing on opened, admitting Madam Pomfrey into the corridor.

"Is he ok?" asked the three boys in unison, rushing towards her.

"He's asleep and I plan to keep him that way until tomorrow. I'm afraid you can't see him until then," she forestalled their next question, "but if you come back tomorrow before breakfast you can spend a few minutes with him, asleep or not."

Opening his mouth to complain, James stepped forwards.

"I'm not changing my mind." Stated Poppy, her voice taking on a no nonsense tone. "Now off you all go back to your room before I get someone to escort you there."

Sighing, Remus, James and Peter slowly made their way to the dorm room, ignoring the questioning glances as they entered the Gryffindor common room.

Walking into their room, Remus headed towards James' trunk.

"Moony, what are you doing?" Asked James, watching as Remus pulled out his invisibility cloak.

"I'm going to go and visit Sirius, I won't be able to sleep without seeing he's ok for myself." Replied Remus.

"Ok, just let us know how he is." Said James, climbing into his bed.

Agreeing, Remus threw the cloak over himself and headed back down to the hospital wing. There was something going on and Madam Pomfrey hadn't answered the question they'd asked earlier. Just how was Sirius? And what was being kept from them?


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm going to go and visit Sirius, I won't be able to sleep without seeing he's ok for myself." Replied Remus.

"Ok, just let us know how he is." Said James, climbing into his bed.

Agreeing, Remus threw the cloak over himself and headed back down to the hospital wing. There was something going on and Madam Pomfrey hadn't answered the question they'd asked earlier. Just how was Sirius? And what was being kept from them?

* * *

Having dodged past Flitch and avoided Snape, Remus crept quietly into the hospital wing. Glancing around, he saw that Sirius was alone at the end of the room. Pulling the cloak off, Remus made his way over to his friend.

"Oh Padfoot", he sighed when he finally got a good look at him, "what have you done to yourself?"

Sirius however didn't answer as he slept on unaware of his visitor.

"Why didn't you talk to me?" Moony asked quietly, knowing that even if Patfoot had been awake, he still wouldn't have got an answer.

It wasn't the first time that Sirius had withheld telling his friends what was going on. He would badger them if he even had an inkling that something was upsetting them, but when it came to him, he clammed up tighter than an oil drum. It was as if he thought he wasn't worth the worry. Remus knew that this belief had a lot to do with his treatment at home, but like everything else, they only got glimpses of his life outside of school term.

Hearing a faint moan, Remus looked up from his contemplation. He watched as a grimace of pain chased itself across Padfoot's face. Reached out, he took a small, cold hand in his.

"It's ok Patfoot, I'm here and I'm not leaving you." He whispered brushing a soft kiss across his friend's forehead. "Everything is ok, you're going to be just fine."

"Yes he will be." Came a voice from behind.

Whirling around, Remus came face to face with the Headmaster.

"Erm, Headmaster, I was just, I mean, you see Sirius.." He stammered trying to explain why he had snuck back into the infirmary.

An amused smile twitched at the corner of Dumbledore's mouth, before it settled into a gentle smile.

"It is quite ok Mr Lupin, I fear that if I was in your place I should have done the exact same thing. Mr Black needs his friend around him, even if it does mean that those friends bend the rules a little." He said as he ran a gentle hand over Sirius's head.

"Is he going to be alright?" Remus asked.

"He needs rest and food but he should be fine, at least physically, however," Dumbledore said, a slight frown on his face, "he has to recover from more than just the physical."

Looking at Dumbledore, Remus saw the worry that the Headmaster held.

"He has faced something that no person, let alone a child should ever have to, and I admit it concerns me greatly that he may not ask for or accept help."

"What happened?" Asked Moony in a hushed voice.

"It is not my place to tell you, though I do hope that Mr Black will confide in you and Mr Potter. Your unconditional support is going to mean a lot to him when he has to finally face everything."

Staring down at Remus, Dumbledore studied the boy in front of him carefully. Would he and Mr Potter be able to help Sirius or would the walls the boy on the bed created be too high for even his closest confidents to scale?

"Will you be willing to do anything for your friend?" He asked, his voice the most serious Remus had ever heard.

"He is my best friend and I love him. I will do anything to help him," Remus stated, the conviction apparent in his voice and on his face. "And as soon as he wakes I'll tell him that."

Placing a comforting hand on Moony's shoulder, Dumbledore gestured for him to stand.

"Then, I do believe that Mr Black will be alright. And now, my young friend, I do feel it is time for you to head back to your bed. As Madam Pomfrey said earlier, you may visit before breakfast."

Feeling a gentle push on his back, Remus glanced over his shoulder at Sirius. Seeing his friend asleep, his face relaxed, Remus nodded to Dumbledore and made his way back to his dorm.

"Headmaster, what are you still doing here?" Asked Madam Pomfrey as she came into the room to check on her patient.

"Just checking that all is right with Mr Black." He replied.

Looking at the forlorn figure on the bed, Poppy shook her head.

"Monsters." She hissed. Her temper getting the better of her. "That they could do that to such a sweet child. It makes my blood boil. Never have I seen such an inhuman act, even You Know Who had never stooped so low, as to harm a child like that."

"Calm, Poppy." Dumbledore said placing his hands on her shaking shoulders. "We will not allow anything to happen to the boy, and I shall personally see that those monsters never come near him again. Come now, let us leave the boy to rest. He will be alright here."

Walking out of the room, they didn't see the dark shadow creep slowly towards the vulnerable boy. Didn't see as it flowed over his body, a menacing laugh fading away as the shadow disappeared back the way it came.

In a dark room, miles from the school, a hunched figure sat looking into the fire.

"Don't think you are safe from me boy, my fun has only just started. You belong to me, and no teacher can protect you, after all you can't escape the shadows in your mind."


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for HUGE delay in posting anything new.

/ denotes thought.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

The first thing Sirius became aware of was the slightly antiseptic smell that permeated the air around him. Struggling to open his eyes, he tried to remember why he was in what he guessed must be hospital wing. Squinting, he could make out the other beds, empty of students.

/Ok, so the last thing I remember was going to class, he mused. The pain had been manageable, or so he had thought, but what had happened to get him to come here/ His head throbbing, he tried to remember the lesson.

/Sat in the class, no idea what was said, tried to hide his discomfort and then what/

A flash of Snape coming towards him, the table suddenly slanting alarmingly as he approached it, and did Remus call out something? flickered through his mind.

"No, no, oh Goddess, no," he whimpered, when he finally realised what had happened. "I can't let them know."

His eyes darting about the room, he tried to calm his breathing.

"I have to get out of here." He whispered. "HE's going to kill me."

Trying to stop the despair at the thought of what would happen should HE found out people knew, Sirius missed arrival of James, Remus and Peter.

"Padfoot!" Cried James, as he saw his friend awake. "Thank goodness your awake."

Hurrying towards his friend, his face beaming, James missed the flinch as he threw himself on the end of Sirius's bed. Remus, who had approached slower, caught the look of panic that appeared on Padfoot's face before it was hidden behind a blank mask, but before he could comment, James started to talk.

"What happened to you mate?" James asked. "It was like you just collapsed, splat, and we couldn't wake you up."

Casting a nervous glance about the room, Sirius looked towards James. /There's no way I'm telling him anything, he'll hate me, he thought. They all will, after all, I hate myself too./

Waving his hand, Sirius tried to smile. "It was the putrid smell of Snivellus, you know he never washes. I obviously got to close and keeled over from the stench." He joked.

Laughing, James and Peter nodded.

"Know what you mean," James agreed, "he should be declared a health hazard."

Shaking his head, Remus was about to comment when Madam Pomfrey appeared from behind him.

"Now then," she said, "you've seen him awake, I think it is time for you to be off to your lessons. You can come back at lunch."

With a light protest James and Peter allowed themselves to be herded out the door. Remus however approached the bed.

"Siri, I don't have time now, but I want to talk to you. Something has happened and I want to help." He said, trying to catch Padfoot's eyes. "You're not alone, and no matter what, I'll always be your friend."

Feeling Madam Pomfrey touch his arm, he turned to look at her.

"You too, off you go." She said, shooing him towards James and Peter. "He's not going anywhere."

Casting a quick glance over his shoulder, Moony saw that Padfoot had pulled the covers up and rolled over, his back towards the door.

Nodding, Remus followed his friends; worried again that Sirius was trying to hide from what ever had happened to him.

Watching the boys leave, Madam Pomfrey made he way over to partially covered figure on the bed.

"You get some more sleep," she whispered to him, "but we need to have talk later, you, me and the Headmaster."

Sirius, hidden under the covers, curled up even more, pulling the blanket tighter. /They'll hate me, he thought, and I'll be sent away. Shivering, he closed his eyes, a tear tracing its way down his cheek. They'll hate me and HE will kill me./


End file.
